What My Experience in the Israeli Prison Taught Me
Dear Friend,
Mattan here. In 2017, I was imprisoned for 110 days because I refused to join the Israeli occupation army. Today, I am the team coordinator of RSN. I would like to share with you today my experience in prison and how grateful I am for the support I got from people just like you, support that helped me during these dark days to continue to fight against the occupation.
Being in prison was one of the hardest times of my life. I remember the first day there. They put me in a small cell, around 12 square meters, with three more people. Then, reality hit me. The noise and chaos that surrounded my refusal were suddenly replaced by the day-to-day consequences of it. Having my freedom taken away from me, being shouted at by guards every day, not seeing loved ones and not knowing when I will be released. I remember being forced to stand for a long time just because the guard was counting the prisoners and one prisoner didn't shout his name loudly enough for them to hear.
The worst part is not knowing if my actions are making any difference. Did I bring the occupation one step closer to its end? Am I able to influence others to act? Does anyone even know that I am here?
It may not look like it, but being an anti-occupation activist in Israel-Palestine is hard. We are subjected to police brutality, imprisonment, and isolation from society. Many do not talk about it; we do not want to be perceived as weak or admit to ourselves that it is hard because we are afraid we might crack. But mainly, we do not talk about it because we feel like we cannot complain. At the end of the day, the Palestinians are the ones who are truly suffering, and our actions are about them, not us. What is my suffering compared to the Palestinians' suffering?
For a long time after prison, I did not talk about my struggles there. I mostly talked about the funny moments in prison and how boring it was. In the last few years, I have come to realize how important it is to talk about the harsh parts of the experience and process it. I realized that this is important for me personally, but also for ending the Israeli occupation. We cannot end the occupation if we do not take care of ourselves; we cannot end the occupation if all of us are burned out. This is why we at Resistance Solidarity Network place such importance on burnout prevention in our work and in our support for activists.
This is something that you could help us with, too! What helps me the most is knowing that I have a community behind me that supports me. I know that I have a community that amplifies my voice so my actions will impact more people. I received hundreds of support letters in prison that gave me strength during my darkest time and helped me continue fighting. The more people we are, the more support the resisters receive. You can help the resisters by growing our community. Share this link with 3 of your friends and family members and invite them to join us in supporting the resistance from within.
In solidarity,
Mattan Helman
Team Coordinator
Resistance Solidarity Network